On Saying Goodbye to the Magic

This past Sunday was one of my favorite Easters to date. We kept it low-key, played our brains out, ate a wonderful meal, enjoyed the company of family and felt all the magic that comes with Easter while also trying to remember the true reason we celebrate.

Our kiddos woke up excited to see what the Easter Bunny had left, baskets and hidden eggs, and I too was just as excited to experience it with them. Hearing the quick little pitter patters of feet coming down the stairs and seeing their faces as they peered around the corner was absolutely worth waking up early for.

Squeals and wide eyes were in abundance as each kid bounced around sharing the treasures left behind.

The next day, though, left me in tears. Actually, just the very next morning.

I was in Gwyn’s room getting Franklin dressed when Gwyn knelt down beside me to ask me a question.

A question I wasn’t ready for.

Looking softly into my eyes, she said, “Mom, you can tell me. Was it Daddy who hid the Easter eggs?”

I froze. For a solid ten seconds, I just stared into those eyes while so many responses filled my mind.

“Gosh, no! That was the Easter bunny!” was what I wanted to say.

But the way she looked into my eyes with her head slightly tilted, as to say, “It’s okay, Mom…You can tell me…” I knew I had to give another response.

I just looked at her and can only imagine what the look on my face must have been like for her. Startled. Uneasy. And a little sad, too.

Finally, I smiled. And I nodded my head and said, “Yeah, sweetie. It was.”  Right before the tears started rolling down my cheeks.

She is growing up. She is not even seven-years-old yet and she now knows the Easter bunny didn’t hide her Easter eggs and that just crushed my magic- loving mama heart.

Gwyn leaped into my lap and wrapped her little arms around me, letting me know it was all okay.

She understood.

The look in her eyes, though, led me to believe she wasn’t sad about the news, but instead, she felt privileged to know such a secret. Seeing this, I explained to her that this was something she now gets to be a part of and that she can’t tell anyone, not even her friends.

She happily agreed. And then hugged me even tighter.

Looking back, I realize she must have remembered that not only two weeks ago we used the same eggs for her brother’s dinosaur egg hunt birthday party, and being the detective that she is, realized that it’s probably pretty slim chances the Easter bunny snuck into our house, found and filled our eggs, disposed of the evidence and then hid them in our back yard. And maybe I should have been more careful. And sure, I think I could have gotten away with a long explanation for it all.

But, I just couldn’t do it. Not with how she was looking at me. So grown-up.

We embraced for a long time while I tried wiping away my tears. Frankie, being the little intuitive babe that he is, sensed the moment and too nestled his little face into ours and it was truly one of those mama moments I will never forget.

I’m not sure if Gwyn realizes we are also the ones who provide the Easter basket as well, and I am just not ready to discover that information.

I am just not ready to completely say good-bye to the Easter bunny for my eldest.

So for now, I will accept the fact that she is on to something, and okay with it. I will accept that she is growing up, though I wish so badly she weren’t. And I suppose I have to accept the fact that the magic that comes along with the holidays isn’t going to last as long as I wished it would.