The Blackout-Closet-Statue-Army-Crawl Maneuver- AKA Nap Time

When I was a first time parent (wow, am I really saying this already???) I was a high-strung, stressed out, flinched at every peep kind of mama. I hated the sound of my baby crying and did everything I could to prevent it.

I was reminded of this a few weeks ago when talking with a few pals about the crazy things we have done as new parents.

For instance, when Gwyn was maybe around 6-8 months old, nap times were a struggle. In fact, I dreaded them.

When putting Gwyneth down for a nap, I’d start out by walking back and forth in her room, which is darkened by blackout curtains. The walk was pretty quick and bouncy, and there was a very specific way to hold Gwyn; cradled, with her head tilted back a bit while patting her bum. Now, Gwyn was no petite little petunia. The arms were aching during all of this. And the whole time I was also constantly making a loud sssshhhhhhing sound too. If she was still squirmy and fussing, I’d sway and shush her inside of her closet because it was super dark in there. Yep. In the closet. Face deep in baby clothes. When her body would start to relax, I’d make my way over to her crib, still patting her bum, still swaying back and forth and still shushing, and slowly start to lower her into the crib. She’d then usually wake and throw her arms in the air, which started the routine over with more swaying, bum patting, and shushing, except this time the rhythmic sway would include a slight dip in it so that she would become accustomed to the feeling of being lowered into her crib. So it’d be like…

Sway to the left, sway to the right, dip sway to the left, dip sway to the right, repeat.  And then each time the dips would get lower and lower until she was placed on the mattress. It was a damn Richard Simmons  workout in there!

If the arms were pulled away too quickly, she’d wake up, so it was the move-a-centimeter-every-ten seconds kind of release.

Once the arms were freed, I’d inch ever-so-slowly toward the door. If she started to stir before I made it very far, I’d hide in the closet, which was located right next to her crib.

And then I’d be stuck in there.

At this point I’d slowly lower my body to the ground and army crawl past her crib, across the room and out of there. If she saw me, I’d freeze….. because a statue mama must not be the real mama and therefore she’d go back to sleep, right?

If she saw me when just starting to crawl out of the room I’d drop to the floor and once again, be stuck, lying on the floor, until she put her head back down.

I don’t know how I got myself into that ridiculous routine. I think, like I said, I just couldn’t take the sound of her crying and would try everything I could to prevent it.

While swapping stories, one mama even told me that if her baby caught her sneaking out of the room, she’d freeze and close her eyes thinking that she would blend into the surroundings of the room better as the baby couldn’t see the whites in her eyes. Tee hee!

Well, this time around, things are SooOOOo different.

When it is time for Cal to go down for a nap, I put him in a sleep sack, turn on the sound machine, lay him in the crib, possibly pop in a binky and walk out. That’s IT!!!!! And most of the time, he will go right to sleep. Sometimes, he will cry for a few minutes before giving in. But there is no rocking. No shushing. No bum pats. No army-crawling out of the room. No hiding in closets! He is wide awake when put in there and ta da! Donezo!

So, if you’re having your first baby any time soon, or if you’ve just had one, don’t get stuck in closets or plastered to the floor!!! Save yourself! It WILL be okay!

Happy Wednesday!