It happened. The first big encounter where I couldn’t be there for both kiddos at the same time.
When Gwyn gets up from her nap, she really likes to be cuddled and sit in my lap for a few minutes while she wakes up. She curls up in her blanket, nestles her little head into my chest and wraps her body into a little ball and just cuddles. And it’s the ONLY time she will cuddle so I cherish this time.
The other day, I was nursing Calvin when Gwyn woke up from her nap. I needed to finish nursing him, so it was a few minutes before I could go into her room, which only heightened the cries to be fetched. I couldn’t immediately put Cal down once finished nursing, as he still needed to be burped, so I took him into Gwyn’s room with me. Instead of picking Gwyn up and cuddling her, I picked her up with one arm (with Cal in the other) and put her on the ground.
She did not like this.
She immediately started a tired whine/cry as I walked into the living room so I could get Cal situated. I thought she’d be right behind me and would join us in the living room to help me burp Cal, one of her facorite things to do, but she stayed. Still upset, she grabbed her baby doll from her room and walked into the hallway with it. I peek around the corner and see her biting the baby doll’s hand. This baby doll happens to cry when any hard pressure is applied to it like biting, squeezing too hard, etc., so it began to cry. I wasn’t sure that I was seeing what I was seeing correctly, so I continued to watch, and she continued to bite the baby’s hand.
Mortified, I ran up to her and explained how that really hurt the baby and that “we never bite our babies,” and she stood in the hall with her head hung low, staring at the ground while crying.
Usually, she will apologize to her baby dolls if she “hurts” them, and when asked to say sorry this time, she refused.
Once I confirmed that she was reacting to me holding Calvin when I was supposed to be holding her, I scooped her up in my arms and held her. And held her, and held her, and held her. And I wanted to cry right along with her. It hurt me to realize how much she was hurting.
Still refusing to apologize, I decided to let it go until she was in a better mood. Once a smile was back on her face, I asked once more if she would say sorry to her baby, and she picked up her baby doll, kissed its hand and said “I’m sorry, Baby.” She then walked up to Calvin, bent over and said, “I’m sorry Baby Cal.”
Shock.
There have definitely been times where I couldn’t be there for both kids when they needed me, and I just did the best I could tending to one kid and then the next, but this was the first time I felt the frustration and pain from Gwyn’s eyes.
And it huuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrt.
And to dig into the wound even more, the next morning I was, once again, nursing Cal when Gwyn awoke for the day and you know what I heard her say from her room?
“Put baby down, Mama.”
Uggggh. Stab to the heart.
Since then nothing else has happened and she continues to smother Baby Cal with kisses, but this was definitely a big eye opener to me.
Someone once told me, “Your baby won’t remember you letting him/her cry while tending to the older child, but your older child will.”
Definitely something to think about.
