An update on our baby dilemma…

Sooo, I feel a little bit bad about the title of this post. I know some of you were thinking I was going to announce a pregnancy after I first wrote about our dilemma here, but no. I am not. No pregnancies over here.

I also can’t say that we have come to the conclusion that our family is complete. Because we have not.

In short, we are in the exact same place as we were the last time I wrote about this.

I am writing this semi-update because I get asked all the time if we have decided what we are going to do. And each time I just say that we still don’t know. That I think about it almost every single day. That I have prayed and prayed about it. And we still don’t know.

In fact, one day in church we were asked to turn to the person next to us and ask the other what we could pray for. The Hubby and I both asked the sweetest old man if he could pray for our dilemma of whether or not to grow our family. He took this prayer request very seriously and led us in a very thoughtful and sincere prayer.

We have just not had that satisfying answer we are searching for.

Sometimes, when the days are hard with the two we have I think I am absolutely done. No way could I handle any more.

And sometimes, when the days are smooth and full of laughter and ease, I also think we are done because life is starting to get more predictable. And going forward would just be…..easier.

And then I worry that another would “mess up” the rhythm we are in. The rhythm that finally has me sane and all of us functioning with minimal tears. The rhythm that consists of more good days than bad.

But then I catch myself talking with friends about it and saying things like “with the next one I like the name…. ” instead of “IF we have another one I like the name…”

We are also looking at houses and I am insisting on a house with at least three bedrooms for kids… just in case.

And that regret. Ohhhhh I so badly don’t want that regret.

What is my subconscious saying here?

People keep telling me, “Oh, you’re young. You have plenty of time.” Well, thank you, and true. But, we don’t really want THAT big of an age gap IF (see, I said ‘IF”)  we have a third. Just our personal preferences.

So to us, the clock is ticking.

I DID watch my husband’s cousin’s kidlets a couple of times recently, one day from 6 am-3:30 pm and I won’t lie, I was scared. Five kids four and under is grounds for a little knee-knocking, don’t you think?

But they’re all super sweet kids and we got by just fine.

The best thing I could have done is to be prepared. So I had breakfast and lunch prepared, along with the table set,  the night before and this helped tremendously.

Poppers… great for a plethora of children.

At one point I had only three babes as one had preschool, so we loaded up, dropped off and picked up, and one napped for a while, and during this time I remember thinking to myself, “three isn’t so bad! I could do three!”

It’s all relative… right?

I know plenty of mamas have more than two kids out there and handle just fine.

At least that’s what I tell myself.

Right?

They do, right?

Soooo, I apologize for the no-update update.

But, that is where we are at.

Still undecided.

Still questioning.

Still praying.

No answers.

Blah.