Bullying has been a hot topic in the media and it wasn’t until I recently went through some old school photos that I remembered something shameful from my past.
In the third grade there was a girl named Sapphire in my class. She had long, strawberry blonde hair, fair skin and thick glasses. She was constantly picked on, and I felt bad for her.
That is, until one day someone poked fun at me. My last name used to be “Gross.” And someone said a comment like “Your middle name should be ‘is!’ Because then you’d be Shannon IS Gross!” HAHAHAHA!”
And it hurt.
And to take the pressure off of myself, I turned on Sapphire and said something about her thick glasses.
I immediately felt guilt, shame and about one inch tall. I knew it was wrong. And still, I didn’t apologize. Because then I wouldn’t be “cool” anymore, though I am not sure I ever was. But I knew better. And said nothing.
I was a coward.
It makes me well up thinking that one day my children may get picked on. That some “bully” will find something wrong and point it out, hurting the feelings of my precious little ones. And this thought makes me shameful and disgusted with myself.
So, with that…
Dear Sapphire,
I am so incredibly sorry for how everyone treated you in school. Especially me. My actions and words were inexcusable. And not just the day I made fun of your glasses, either. But for every day that I just let my friends and classmates make fun of you and not say a word.
You were alone. You had no one to stand up for you, and we were a gang of hungry, selfish, disgusting wolves.
I wish I could have had the courage to stick up for you. I wish I wasn’t so concerned with what my peers thought. I wish I could take it all back.
If you ever happen to stumble upon this blog, please know that someone is remembering you and hoping that you have become something great. And while I don’t expect you to just accept my apology, please know how sorry I am.
Warmly,
Shannon (IS) Gross
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