The due date for baby #3 is quickly approaching and during these eight months I have felt mixed emotions about not finding out the gender of our little babe.
With Gwyn, we found out what we were having the moment we could. We even had one of those 3D ultrasounds done before they were more common in the doctor’s offices. And the moment the technician revealed we were having a girl, I burst into tears. Happy, happy tears. And from then on it was go-time. Planning her nursery. Scouring names. Dreaming about what life would be life with a little girl. 
With Cal, the technician put the gender in an envelope and we gave it to my good friend. She then made the most adorable gender reveal balloon box for our family.
I grew up in a house of girls, so the thought of having a boy just seemed unreal. I expected that since I had a sister, so too would Gwyn. Which, would have been awesome! But getting to experience both would have been amazing, too. So when it was revealed that I was actually carrying a boy I was so surprised and overcome by tears. Of joy!
And once again, go-time. The bedroom was done, a name chosen, and we were READY for his arrival.
With our third and final baby, we decided to keep the gender a surprise and not find out. And while I truly think it is all going to be worth it in the end, I am struggling with it a little bit.
Not only for the planning purposes, like the nursery, what we need to get to prepare for baby’s arrival, or even choosing a name. But because with the first two babies, once I found out what we were expecting I felt so connected to that little baby in my belly.
Every time she kicked, I would imagine our little girl in there. Or every time he punched, I’d smile a little knowing our little boy was coming soon. Both of which we had already named. And I would daydream about holding each of them. Sitting in their rooms. Feeding them.
But since we don’t know what we are having this time, I am not having these thoughts as much. I am having a hard time feeling connected to this baby and it makes me nervous a little bit.
Will I still feel the same as I did when I met my Gwyn and my Cal? Will I feel that instant connection? Will I be as overjoyed as I once was with them?
I pray that I am. I am sure that I will be.
It’s just… different this time.
I stare at my belly and think, “Who ARE you in there little baby!?” I see your kicks. And believe me, I feel them, too. Maybe lay off the lady parts a little bit? 😉 Only about two months until we find out! Yep…. just 9 more WEEKS.
Did you ever keep the gender of your baby a surprise? What was it like when you found out? I want details! 
