The Fantasy Suites- Bachelor Recap 9

The episode starts in Saint Lucia with the three remaining girls, Clingy Clare, Icky Nikki and G.I  Andi.

Clingy Clare is the first to have a one-on-one date with The Pabs and they hop in a boat and putt along to a (shocker) yacht. And as protocol has it, they lay down and kiss and we get a nice booty shot. Thanks, ABC.

That night Clingy Clare contemplates the fantasy suite saying that if the frolicking in the ocean made him uncomfortable then she is unsure about the suite.

Over dinner The Pabs and Clingy Clare talk about his daughter and how she would fit in as a step mom. Then the fantasy suite card arrives and Clingy Clare tries to sound considerate and caring and that maybe she will forego the suite but no, she gladly accepts. I get that she is covering all her bases here. I mean she was practically publicly shamed the last time she didn’t get clarification.

Side note: Have you ever noticed the many faces of Clingy Clare? She does this tongue and pouty lip thing… when she’s not talking. I don’t get it.

In the suite Clare states this is the perfect place to let J-Pabs know how her heart feels and I am thinking there is probably going to be a lot more feeling going on than just that.

The Pabs gropes her face and ears and then does a “got your  nose!”  like I do with my two-year-old and this triggers Clingy Clare to tell him that she loves him. They both seem a little giddy and then they get in their suits and make out.

Fast-forward to the date with G.I.  Andi and fresh out of bed with Clingy Clare, The Pabs greets G.I. Andi with some smooches. They stroll around the village and play some drums with some locals and actually look like they’re having a good time.

They stumble upon three little kids, who are well-dressed, mind you, and try offering them some food. They politely decline (and the mom-side of me says, “YAY! Never accept food from strangers!”) and then after they pry out of them what kind of drinks they like I think “They’re not starving African children! They probably just ate! Leave them be.” The Pabs then learns that the kids like soccer and they play a pick-up game with G.I. Andi is just running around like a lost little puppy.

The Pabs says to the camera that he has a little surprise for G.I. Andi and they then drive to a little waterfall (shocker #2) and have lunch. Doesn’t he remember he already did the waterfall thing with G.I. Andi? They then hop under the waterfall and The Pabs just doesn’t get that drowning under a waterfall isn’t really ideal.

They then have dinner and talk about their possible future together and The Pabs seems a little weird here. He’s not his usual face-touching, nose-removing  self and is leaning away from G.I. Andi the entire time. When she asks if he thinks she will be a good mom he replies ” I don’t know.”

It’s just…. off.

She accepts the fantasy suite card and they cheers to a “a great date and a great long talking night” and then start making out on the bed.

Mmmmm Hmmmm… Loooooots of talking.

The next morning we see The Pabs and he states the night was great and that they “talked and laughed for hours. Hours! Like, hours.” The Pabs states that maybe she is the one and he is very happy.

We then see G.I. Andi and the first thing she tells us is that “waking up in the morning I could not wait to get out of the fantasy suite” and  that it “was a nightmare.” And I want to know more, MORE!!!

She goes on to say that she really hopes he did not think that was a good date and that waking up the morning after she realized whenever she started talking about her past or about things that mattered,  all he did was tell his own story and that he didn’t really care to get to know her. He also brought up the overnight date with Clingy Clare which did not sit well with G.I. Andi.

G.I. Andi bags on The Pabs some more and it is CLEAR she is totally over this dude. She even says “It is important for me to find a guy who loves me more than he loves himself.”

She tells us that she KNOWS she will NOT marry The Pabs and that after getting to know him and see what life would be like she is certain it wouldn’t work.

Hmmm, I am thinking maybe a little more happened that she isn’t sharing here. Maybe they slept together and THEN he brought up his time with Clingy Clare?

Marinate on that a minute.

Fast-forward and later that day is Icky Nikki’s turn and she shows up wearing a Pocahontas bikini top and Aladdin pants. Her bubbies are all over the place and they ride horses.

Fitting.

During their horse ride The Pabs states that he wishes she would have been in a thong and he would have just ridden behind her the whole time and I am thinking, “Come on! Remember that daughter of yours?!” and “You know her PARENTS are watching this, don’t you?!” And “what about whoever you end up with?! And THAT person’s parents, too?”

You, idiot.

Fast-forward to the evening portion and once again the Pabs brings up that there are three girls left. This guy is really getting full of himself.

They go inside the suite and he fondles her face and rubs her ear for good luck (his signature move) which triggers an “I love you” from Icky Nikki, and the damn birds are chirping SO loudly that I can’t hear a word they say and I wonder where the hell the teleprompter is now and that person HAD to have lost his/her job over this.

Fast forward and The Pabs and Chris Harrison have some chatting time and Chris Harrison calls The Pabs out that his English sucks and he needs to clarify what he means when he says he “likes” these girls. Chris then tells The Pabs that he gets to watch a video each girl left for him.

Icky Nikki’s video message was sweet and he just kind-of stared back at the screen with a half-smile, and Clingy Clare’s made him cry. He cried. And G.I. Andi’s video wasn’t heart-felt whatsoever and she said she needed to share her thoughts with him in person.

Fast-forward to a camera interview with G.I. Andi and she says that every time she tried to talk to him all he would say is “besitos” and that everything is “okay.” And you know, I can totally picture that happening.

They then meet up and as soon as she opens her mouth he starts touching her face and I want to slap his hand away.

She then starts her spiel and shares how she realized she is not in love with him and that it wouldn’t work out and his response is “it’s okay.”

She then starts him to rip a new one about how it shouldn’t just be “okay” and that he should be feeling something more.

He tries to explain that him saying “okay” is just a reaction and that he can’t help it. She doesn’t accept that answer and pushes more.

His only response is “it’s okay” and “it’s fine” and G.I. Andi turns into Angry Andi.

She then says that The Pabs said something about Sweet Mama Renee and that Angry Andi was there by “default” and they argue over whether or not he used the word “default” because The Pabs claims it isn’t in his vocabulary and I sort-of believe him because he uses sentences like “I like that.”

Angry Andi then calls him an asshole before asking what religion she practices, what her views on social issues are or how she wants to raise her kids and he admits he has no idea on any of these things.

The lawyer in Angry Andi is in full bloom and she is trying to put The Pabs in his place. They banter back and forth and I am wondering, once again, if she just can’t let this go because they DID sleep together. If they didn’t then she could have said her peace and left. Instead, she seemed emotionally attached and was just waiting for him to admit his wrong-doings. 

Marinate on that a minute.

After Angry Andi gets into the car to leave The Pabs gets the last dig by saying to the camera, “If she would have wanted to stay I would have said no. Because that little argument to me, that’s it.”

Angry Andi drives away saying “he doesn’t get it” and The Pabs says he is shocked that Andi wants to go home.

Meanwhile the two other girls find out what has happened and are dazed and confused. He hands out a rose to each of them and end of scene.

 

That’s it! Who do you think ends up with The Pabs?

Thanks for stopping by!