Nursing our babies was both challenging and rewarding.
My goal in nursing both of our children was to make it to a year. My pediatrician recommended a year, if possible, so that was the goal I set for myself. I realize this is not possible for every mother and whatever is chosen for each situation is what is best and right for that family; this is just what was done for our situation.
With Gwyneth, I struggled with my milk supply in the beginning. I was constantly guzzling water, eating milk-boosting foods, taking Fenugreek, a supplement that is supposed to boost one’s milk, drinking Mother’s Milk tea, and nursing that little babe as much as she wanted to boost supply. Once she was sleeping through the night, I woke up anyway to pump so that I could build a supply and keep the stimulation going  so that other’s could give her a bottle when needed.
Eventually I got into a routine and when Gwyn turned 11 months, I started introducing the bottle more and more over the next few weeks with the stored milk that I had saved up so that by her first birthday, she would be weened.
This worked well, and her first birthday was the very last time that I nursed her.
It was bittersweet. I was proud to make it to my goal but a little sad that this special time that we had with one another was ending. I even cried on that last nursing session. But, by being done with nursing I was also granted a little more freedom as she didn’t NEED me anymore to eat.
And that was nice. 🙂
Again, my goal with Calvin was to make it to a year. I went through many of the same struggles as I had done with Gwyn, but once again I made it to my goal.
Except this time, his birthday wasn’t the last time that I nursed him. In fact, I still do. It’s sporadic. I’m not even certain anything even comes out anymore. Â But I still do.
Things are different this time. What if he is our last baby? What if this is the last time I will ever get to experience this? Ever get to bond with a baby in such an intimate way? What if this is the last time a baby NEEDS me in that way?
When I am nursing Cal, he is still. I am still. He looks up into my eyes and I look deep down into his. His body curls around mine and I embrace his warm little limbs. He feels my face with his free hand and sometimes this turns into shoving his entire fist into my mouth and not giving up until accomplishing this awkward feat. And he giggles. And then I giggle/gag, too.
When he isn’t fisting my mouth he is pulling on my hair, holding tight for security. Even though sometimes it hurts, I don’t care. Because he won’t always find security in my hair.
My nursing days with Cal are numbered, if not just about over. I didn’t quite prepare myself for this situation. I always thought we would have more babies. I think we both  (The Hubby and I) always thought this. But now that we have a girl and a boy, this could be it for us. While I think we may have another in the future, it’s not certain.
Thus, why I am savoring these last nursing moments with Cal.
My baby.
