We start the episode by Chris Harrison revealing to the girls that they need to pack their bags…. grrrrrrrraaaaaab their passports…….because they will be meeting JuanPabs in the beautiful city of……………. Seoul, South Korea.
The girls go crazy with excitement and I can’t help but think, “Did I miss something? He said Korea, right?”
I am pretty sure Renee even wiped a tear.
Weird.
There are two group dates this week and a one-on-one date.
The group date card is revealed and it says “POP,” with some guessing maybe they are going to eat popcorn or make gum.
Errrrr no.
They are going to be dancing with Korea’s most famous K-Pop (whatever that is) group, “21.”
I guess they’re pretty popular since it is revealed their youtube video has 77,000,000 views.”
“21” has the girls warm up by doing a little free-style dancing and J-Pabs steps into the circle first to bust out his moves in capri leggings. The Hubby was NOT down with this and was astounded by this outfit.
Then, Kat, the dancing queen, gladly then takes center stage with her high kicks and body rolls and reveals that she is totally in her element.
Nikki- the dancing dud, then takes center stage with her quality “sprinkler” moves and says, “I want to show him that I’m a good sport and that even though I am terrible at this I’m not going to pout and throw a giant fit.. like I kindof want to do.”
And since she is my top pick in the Fantasy Bachelor League that I am playing in, I think, “YAY, Nikki! Do what you gotta, girl!”
Meanwhile, Kat is all “I am totally crushing this. I am the best!” and I lose all respect for her. Not that there was a lot to begin with.And I’m not kidding. She really said that.
It is CLEAR Nikki HATES life during this date and I want to shake her and say “DON”T YOU RUIN THIS FOR ME!!!”
This is where Nice Nikki starts to turn into Icky Nikki.
It is revealed that the girls are going to be performing in front of thousands of people in 21’s performance that night, and while most girls are beyond excited, Nikki goes:
Bitch bitch bitch… “My day couldn’t get any worse.”
Bitch bitch bitch…”I can’t dance…”
Bitch bitch bitch…”Today was my worst nigthmare…”
While Kat goes above and beyond during the performance, Nikki stands in the back and totally ruins any chance I had at winning The Fantasy Bachelor League. So, I curse at her. And everyone has a great time, except for you know who.
Fast-forward to the evening and the girls then have some one-on-one with The Pabs in a little garden. Kat wants to make it clear that she is more than just “a good time” and Nikki starts talking smack about Kat behind her back.
The cattiness officially begins and the girls reveal that Nikki is the most negative person in the house.
Great. I picked the Tiara of the group to win.
Super.
Elise tries to warn JuanPabs that there are some girls to beware of and I just want to slap the girl. She should have seen enough episodes of The Bachelor to know that whenever someone tries to forewarn the head honcho, that person goes home.
Nikki then has some time with JuanPabs and her character turns back into Nice Nikki, saying all of the right things.
Fast-forward back to the house and we learn that Sharleen is the one to get the one-on-one date. She says she is “happy” to get the card and her face says it all.
Fast-forward back to the group date and Hip Hop Kat thinks she has the rose in the bag.
JuanPabs gives it to Icky Nikki and the girls respond by saying, “Ugh. Yuck. There is no way that I would ever have Nikki around my child because of her negativity.” Clearly, they are not fans.
Fast-forward to the date with Sharleen and JuanPabs and they explore Seoul together. I’d actually really enjoy doing this. They try eating dead bugs before they go to a tea house.
This is where Sharleen compliments JuanPabs by saying he is “interesting and not bland.” She then tries to explain what bland is to JuanPabs and she says the food they tried that day was not bland.
But that food also made her gag… soo…..
Wow. That is quite the compliment.
JuanPabs then makes Sharleen opera sing for him, and she’s actually quite good.
The Hubby then states that I have never sung for him before, so I belt out a few notes in which he then replies, “Don’t ever sing for me again.”
Well. humph.
JuanPabs and Sharleen make out a little and it isn’t nearly as horrific as the last time we witnessed that disaster, making it clear Sharleen has been practicing each night into her pillow.
JuanPabs then asks Sharleen how many kids she wants and she stutters and dodges the question, making it clear she doesn’t want any.
Red flag.
She twists it, though, saying that she has been so career focused that she hasn’t thought about it much. She also informs us she has dated someone else with a daughter before and that she was totally not ready for it.
Yeah well you know what, Sharleen?? It NEVER CHANGES. You can never be ready enough for what those gremlins are going to do to you.
NEVER.
And I mean that lovingly…..
Ultimately, JuanPabs states he appreciates her honesty and gives her a rose.
Fast-forward to the second group date and the second group of girls do a little karaoke, swan-boat paddling and then get their feet sucked on by little fish.
This would absolutely make me scream.
Clingy Clare absolutely hates any other girl getting attention from JuanPabs and starts to pull out all the stops. They then do a little food-tasting and JuanPabs has the girls try octopus, which Clingy Clare squeals and squirms all the way through. Of ALL the things they could be doing, she won’t eat octopus making it clear this girl is grasping for any attention she can.
They then have their one-on-one time later that night and TWO!!! EXTREMELY. AWKWARD. MOMENTS. happen.
The girls start talking about who has kissed J-Pabs and who hasn’t, which puts extremely stupid ideas into a few of the girls’ minds.
First, Sweet Mama Renee is talking with JuanPabs and she says, ” So how would Camilla (his daughter) feel if she saw me kiss you?”
UGH… CREEPY!!!!
JuanPabs is surprised by this question and says, “Uhhh… I don’t know, how would Ben (her son) feel?”
JuanPabs then says he would like to kiss Sweet Mama Renee but that he wants to set a good example for his daughter. He goes on to say that since he’s already kissed six girls, he doesn’t want his daughter to see him kissing twenty.
Makes sense.
So, he politely declines Sweet Mama Renee’s kissing offer.
He then has some time with Andi and it is CLEAR these two have a “connection.” They’re playful, they “get” each other’s sense of humor and she quickly becomes my new favorite.
Damnit.
He sticks to his promise an doesn’t kiss her, though.
Lauren S. gets the kissy talk all up in her head and sets out on a mission for AWKWARD. MOMENT. #2
She pulls him inside and says, “Dance with me.” in which they awkwardly do for a few seconds before she says “(giggle giggle) Un beso (A kiss)?
I just about died. Like, I think my heart stopped and under my breath muttered…. “Nooooooo…………” as I watched in absolute horror.
JuanPabs replies with, “Sorry. I have a daughter and I don’t want her seeing Daddy kissing a bunch of girls.”
This sends Lauren over the edge and she cries into his arms.
HUE-MILL-EE-ATE-ING!
I just felt SO sorry for the girl. She says, “Why’d I do that. I’m an effing idiot.”
Oye. Yes, you are sweetie.
Then, Clingy Clare has some alone time with JuanPabs and she claims she threw up in her mouth when she was eating the octopus.
JuanPabs then can’t resist himself and breaks all of his rules and has a good make-out sesh with her, putting all the other girls to shame. You see, Climgy Clare is smart here, people. She is making The Pabs think with things other than his brain.
JuanPabss gives the group date rose to Andi, though, and this is when The Hubby says, “Look! She has roots!” I then inform him that she has the “ombre” thing going on in which he then replies with “You should do that! Save money. Just tell people you have a mini ombre” as he motions his hands like he is wearing a mini yarmulke. (You know, since apparently that’s what my roots look like.)
Did you know that is how yarmulke is spelled? If you still don’t know what I am talking about, pronounce it like this: Ya-ma-ka.
Yeah, it’s weird, huh? Yarmulke. Mind blowing. I had to ask a friend how to spell it.
End of scene.
Fast-forward to the cocktail party and the girls make a pact that whoever already has a rose should give the other girls time with The Pabs.
Clingy Clare is talking to JuanPabs when Icky Nikki (who already has a rose) interrupts them, royally pissing off the others. Clingy Clare then says “don’t mistake my kindness for weakness,” allowing for a little foreshadowing action to happen here.
While JuanPabs sits down with Icky Nikki, Nice Nikki comes back out to play and we see just how fast the personalities can switch.
Later, Icky Nikkii and Clingy Clare go at it a little bit with one another, stating the other acts one way around him and one way around the other girls and we see instant enemies emerge.
Perfection.
The rose ceremony then takes place and the two girls going home are Elise- clearly and Lauren S.- again, clearly.
Lesson- Don’t be the one to point out to The Bach that there are problem contestants and never ask for “Un beso.”
And then on cue, the two girls sent home cry.
JuanPabs then says a toast with the girls and tells them they are leaving tomorrow for a destination that is going to be hot… exotic…..(the suspense builds as they imagine themselves in tahiti) and reveals that they are going to the ever-exciting…….. VIETNAM!!!
This is where I would voluntarily go home.
End of show.
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Okay, for The Fantasy Bachelor League this week, and from here on out, we are locked into our picks. I have failed. I think. Here are my top five in order (before Icky Nikki came out to play).
1. Nikki
2.Clare
3. Renee
4. Andi
5. Kat
Who is your favorite thus far?
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